Chop chop

If you ever mention cutting your own fringe to a hairdresser be prepared for a sharp intake of breath, a shake of the head and disparaging comments. Really, they don't recommend it. I can understand that. Especially since they offer free fringe trims. However - and I really cannot stress this enough - half the time they do it WRONG.  The number of times I have left the hairdressers dissatisfied with the result. I tend to whip the scissors out and hack off bits they've missed.

I have only ever found one hairdresser who cuts my fringe properly. But I tend to feel like a fraud when I go in and just ask for a fringe trim. That is why I did the unthinkable. I took scissors to my own hair. Cut back in my blunt fringe. I didn't get scissor-happy, just made it so that I can see. And I'm pretty content with the (free) result. One of my colleagues came in the morning after and I was greeted with 'I LOVE your hair!'. Yes I was also wearing my extensions, but still. And the following day my old hairdresser - who is coming back from maternity leave - praised my fringe and was shocked to learn it was all my own handiwork. High praise indeed.

Shapers? My ass....

Slightly more appropriate title than you might think.
Out of curiosity I thought I'd try out New Look's new Shaper collection of jeans. They supposedly suck you in and lift your bum. So far they sound ideal.
However.
There had to be a however.
And in this case there are two.

1. Colour limitations.
They only seem to come in this very dated blue denim. No black. No grey. No dark blue. Just blue. Not such a flattering colour to say the least.

2. My butt.
I have mentioned before that I'm quite fond of my bum. As bums go, it's not that bad. It's certainly not my worst feature. It has a nice curve to it. God bless squats.
So to find a pair of jeans that actually FLATTEN my bum? I'm sorry, but that's just not good. Yes it lifts (as advertised) but it squishes it. In fact, it squishes everything.

Sorry New Look, I'm not a convert. Nice try though.

She opens her trap

Now normally I'm not one to venture my opinion to a stranger except from behind the safety of a counter. At least, not out loud. In fact, around large groups of strangers I become quite the wallflower. But when it comes to shopping, I feel that I can say something. It's always nice to have someone say that you look nice, right?

Hunting for new work shoes (it's murder because they just don't last more than a month) in New Look I spotted a woman trying on two different pairs of wedge shoes in different colours, clearly trying to decide between the two. I told her I thought the black and blue ones looked nicer, and she explained that she was trying to find a pair of shoes to match a certain pair of jeans she'd bought. Genuinely the most colourful jeans I have ever seen. Hard to match. So I suggested maybe something black with chunky straps so that it wasn't block colour. And she went with them. Awesome.

....but it doesn't stop there. Clearly our exchange hadn't gone unheard. Once I'd finished talking to that customer (in a shop I don't actually work in. They should clearly employ me) another lady came up to me in the shoe department asking my opinion on a pair of shoes she was trying on and whether or not they'd go with her dress.

If this proves anything to me, it's that I have a fairly good eye. Sure, it may take me a few false starts to get dressed in the morning. And I may apparently look like a 'Bristol Chav' today because of my hair. But I'm pretty darn good at accessorizing.

Bad luck

Did I break a mirror lately? Because I am going through a spell of incredibly bad luck. How many 23 year old women have their phone stolen and their Paypal account hacked and big money transferred in the same week? Those are the highlights. The big ones. And I've spent today hungover which has hardly helped. Diet and exercise have gone out the window as I mourn my fuzzy head and feel sorry for my self-inflicted state.
Topshop haul post soon. It was a big one...

It's not all doom and gloom.

As those who've read this blog before will have noticed, I have a very low opinion of myself. Particularly in the looks department. But lately I've been thinking that in spite of all that, all of us have certain things about ourselves that we think aren't all that bad. And to that end, here are mine.

• My eyes. They're big and blue and not a normal shape. But I like'em. I do have eyebrows that curve almost at a 45 degree angle to them, but they'll do.
• My bum. Okay, so it's not exactly small. And it doesn't look all that great in a pair of skinny jeans. But the majority of the guys I've dated in the last year have commented on it favourably. So it can't be all that bad surely? 
• My hair. Yes, I add a little (a lot) of length with extensions every so often but that's part of the fun. I've been at my happiest since I dyed it back to red. And I like to experiment. Today I'm sporting Pippi Longstocking-esque plaits. Tomorrow I'm debating curling and pinning it all. The possibilities are endless. 

I could write a much longer list critiquing my flaws but that wouldn't really serve any purpose except to make me feel a bit pants. I have a better idea....

• My thighs are my biggest body hangup. Really they are. It doesn't help that I have short legs in proportion to my body. However, they aren't as bad as I think. I wear tights with skirts, yes, because I'm insecure about them, but I've finally bought my first pair of Topshop skinny jeans. I've been terrified of trying them on because I'd convinced myself I'd never fit them. I'll say this for them - they look better on when I'm not in the store. Strange, but true. 
• I've had horrific amounts of orthodontic work done on my teeth. I used to look a lot like Goofy. I would never smile with my mouth open, I was so self-conscious, even after the work was done. Yes, my bottom teeth aren't quite in line any more but I've learned to smile properly. Just not in photos! 
• I've never had muscle in my upper arms. I'm weak as a kitten. I will lose in any play fight. I will say this for Starbucks though, it's toned up my upper arms a bit. My (former) least favourite part of my body, and then an assistant in River Island commented on them enviously. I have to say, that made me feel pretty good.

So there are a few silver linings to be had. Even when you're a massive Scrooge, like me. But I have been good and started my Christmas shopping. And bought many things for myself from Topshop. I will share the spoils of that another time. Let's just say, it was expensive! 

Why do tomorrow what you can do today?

I ran. Not very far. 2.5 miles. But at least I did it. So tired now. I'm proud of myself for going.

I caved....

So basically I've been pulling some insane shifts lately between my two jobs.
We've lost staff and we're all running around like mad things to cover. I'll be doing 11 days in, get one day off, and start all over again. I've been letting my weight and diet slide. Not worrying too much. Just concentrating on getting through it all.
I can't do it any more. I was in Topshop yesterday and looking at my reflection made me miserable. I hate myself for being weak. For making excuses. I need to take charge of my weight again like I did this time last year. I'm nowhere near as big as I was then. I'm still a size 14. But I'm bloated and sluggish and I hate what I see. And my self image has never been great.
Any support would be very, very welcome. Back to the gym tomorrow. No excuses. Nothing.
I know I've said this before. But my birthday is just over 3 months away. And I want to feel a million dollars. Rather than 24, dumpy and a fucking failure.

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby Right Round

My calves are screaming at me. My pectoral muscles are a little sore. Why? Well, week 1 of being a shiny new member of Virgin Active health club has been completed. More would have been achieved this week had I not nearly knocked myself out with a wardrobe (don't ask) and been suffering dizzy spells, but this morning I got back on the horse. Or should I say bike.

Spinning. Yes, you read that right. I went to a spinning class. My second ever. I thought my legs might drop off after the first 15 minutes, I forgot my water bottle and the aircon was broken, but all in all it was good. It's so much easier to stay motivated when you're with a whole bunch of other people who are in the same position as you. Although a lot of them were probably fitter. And weren't regretting agreeing to an 8.15am class. Which I somehow ended up following up with a BodyPump session. Barbells and dumbbells and tricep dips. That's why my pectoral muscles hate me. There were a few squats in there too. So I'm expecting full-body pain in the morning. But if it hurts, just push through the pain. Hence my after-work cross-trainer session.

I'm not sure if it's psychosomatic because I've been working out, but my face looks thinner in the mirror. I still think I look like this though.

One day I will conquer this. I have to. But I'm scared of getting obsessive about the scales again. I went through a phase of starving myself in April. Not intentionally. Well, it was a bit. I didn't want to eat. I became hypnotized by the daily dropping pounds. Weighed myself 3 times a day to make sure I hadn't gained a single ounce. Living off apples, drinking water constantly. I can't get like that again. That's why when I started eating properly again (and drinking again) I put the starvation weight back on.
Starvation is not a permanent solution. Losing fat and gaining lean muscle is.

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

I have a shiny new gym membership. I've been twice in 3 days. I'm doing a spinning class tomorrow afternoon/evening. I'm really trying to get back on this. My weight has settled. And I'd still like to be a size 12 in jeans at least. My bum is still a bit too big and my hips a bit too curvy.
And don't get me wrong. I've embraced my curves to a certain extent. A chav called me a fat c**t 2 days ago and I shrugged it off. A few months ago I'd probably have cried. Progress.

A short break

I have been a bit preoccupied lately. New job. New distraction. I will come back when things have settled down. I promise.

Employee Discount

I have a new job. One that has caused a fair few eyebrows to raise.
In addition to my coffee making I will now be working directly across the road. In Ann Summers. I signed all the paperwork this afternoon making it official. And made my first purchase with my shiny new staff discount. Cos I never find anything in sales. Ever.
Gotta love 30% off

I am not a size 10

I'm really not. Nor will I ever probably be. At least not in jeans.Yet the label in this dress says 10. I never expected to get into it. Ever. But just for a laugh thought I'd try. It's a tea dress after all, and I'm a sucker for a vintage frock.
The zip did up. The boobs stay in. All in all a success. My thinking is that it was miss-labelled. Now I just need somewhere to wear it....
In other news I've not been near a set of scales in a month. Which is good. I'm not stressing about what I eat. Or don't eat. I'm actually living. My neuroses have taken a back seat for now. I'm happy. For now.

Things I learned from watching Snog Marry Avoid

Long gone are the days when Jenny Frost was being a huge hypocrite with her dyed blonde hair, telling the unfortunates caked in slap and fake bake and with more on show than a woman in a window in Amsterdam to dress like schoolteachers. Now the lovely Miss Ellie has taken POD on the road. And is dressing girlies in Topshop dresses. Including this one. Which I've seen in store before and hated. I've changed my mind...

Rule Britannia

The whole country has gone jubilee crazy. Which is understandable 'cos it's not like they happen every day! Only one queen has equaled this - Queen Victoria. Our queen did good.
What I don't get though is that this isle I call home is usually the last patriotic of all. Throw in the jubilee, olympics and euro 2012 and every man and his wife is flying the union flag (it's not the union jack unless you're at sea folks). Ah well. I'm not complaining. And that is for this reason - Starbucks have jubilee fever. Your friendly neighborhood baristas are now rocking a bit of red, white and blue.

Unfortunately many, many countries use these colours. So apparently I looked a bit more French than British. Ah well. It's the thought that counts.
Today's jubilee-wear in total cost £4 from Primark. Bargain.
Red/white/blue striped t-shirt £3
Blue wired headband £1

Pulled your chain?

I love Tatty Devine.
I really do.
They've been around since 1999 but I only heard of them last year. And I've been making up for lost time!
They design every piece and 99% of their jewellery is handmade in their workshops. They're off-beat, quirky, iconic and a staple part of my wardrobe. I've only ever been to the Covent Garden shop where I was served by the lovely Kara last October, but next time I'm in London, Brick Lane here I come.
It's entirely possible to get their gorgeus creations without going all the way to London though. They have a website. They also have over 100 stockists worldwide. A few of my older pieces come from a stockist called Victoria Sewart on the Barbican in Plymouth.
Doing a post about my entire collection would be LONG. So here's a taster.

 

 

Long Chained Lovelies.

1. Popcorn pendant. Formerly from the mainline collection.
2. Small Aztec eye. From the Summer 2011 collection.
3. 70s Siamese Cat in cream/blue colourway. Bought from Covent Garden in October
4. Stop/Go sign revolving necklace. An eBay find from an older collection.
5. My Fox. I have a huge soft spot for him as he arrived at a bit of a crappy time for me. Bought in April.
6. Will and Kate Cameo necklace - created to commemorate the Royal Wedding.
7. Cocktail Umbrella . I have a few of the matching items knocking around. I was deterimined to get my hands on this one. From the 2010 Summer collection I believe, but an eBay find.
8. Pierrot Moon. Unlike the others this is made from enamel. A birthday present from my grandparents. I adore him.
9. The lollipop. There's something about this one that makes people reach out and touch it. They think it's real. Katy Perry has one. I have one. It's one of my favourites. Bought in Covent Garden in October.
And that's only a small section! I have many more necklaces, a few rings and pairs of earrings, a brooch and a barrette. Watch this space

Inspired by my 'mutilation'

Daddy dearest told me I'd mutilated myself the other day. I don't think it'll take much of an intuitive leap to work out why. It's my skin. Airing his opinions just upsets me. But it doesn't stop me loving my daisies. And they're having rather an influence on my purchases at the moment.

 An after-work jaunt (yes jaunt) to New Look and picking up random items that made me think 'hmm, thats nice' led to me creating this outfit. Which despite being a cropped (and seethrough) shirt and high-waisted skirt works. Obviously I need to pop something on under the shirt as I'm not the kind of girl to go out with her bra on show. But that shouldn't be too difficult to sort.
One downside - there is a pull in the fabric of the shirt. Which is ironic considering I actually had to go down a size as there was a pull in the other one too and the girl on the till went to get one that was okay. I think she failed there. 
I absolutely love the daisy print. It's calling out to me at the moment.
Skirt - £19.99 New Look
Top - £14.99 Cameo Rose @New Look
25% discount from a family and friends voucher too.

 This was my other purchase. A Primarni one. Only one in my size, £8. So I thought I'd get it, take it home and see how I felt about it once I'd styled it up a bit. The main issue was the shirring - it goes on down to the waist and then you just get ruffles. Now I'm the first person to admit that I have a small waist but wide hips. It's a curse. So having no real transition between the two layers isn't a great look. But I have a solution....

 Tada! Another Primarni special. Had it for about a year. Never worn it. I believe it cost £1.50 at the time. I've not actually tried this on with the belt yet, so it might be horrific and need returning. But then again it could be wonderful.

Learning Curve.

2 months ago I wouldn't have been doing this. 2 months ago I had long hair. 2 months ago I had no intention of getting my first tattoo until December. 2 months ago I had conjunctivitis and was feeling very sorry for myself. That wasn't fun.

It's amazing what can change in such a short period of time. How you can change as a person. I know I'm weird. And silly. I know I don't dress appropriately for the weather. And I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I have learned a few things lately.
1. Listen to your friends. They give good advice. About most things.
2. My bum is smaller than I think.
3. Pretty shoes make everything better.
4. My taste in men has changed a LOT since Christmas.
5. Knowing too much is a bad thing.
6. Short hair requires more maintenance.
7. People can always surprise you.
8. Tattoos don't hurt all that much.
9. Feelings are a pain in the butt.
10. I don't have to constantly weigh myself. I've not been near a set of scales in a week. Progress has been made.

If you can't stand the heat....

Today is probably the hottest day of the year so far. Yet I am wearing opaque black tights. Seriously opaque ones. A lighthouse couldn't shine through these. Why? Well for an abundance of reasons. I'm not a fan of showing my pasty legs to the world, I don't feel confident going bare-legged even in Summer. If I ever go out without tights on you can safely assume I'm drunk or insane.
But to detract from the impracticality of wearing black tights today of all days I have assembled a strange array of bits and pieces that I am wearing unashamedly, although I'm not all that sure that it works as an outfit. Let's look at this from head to toe.
1. Dove earrings from Accessorize
I believe these were part of a multipack that I bought about a year or two ago when I originally had my cartilage pierced.  The intention was to wear them singly. However my ear reacted badly to the cheap post of the earring and I've had to stick to pure silver. But they look nice as a pair, and are dainty and pretty and practical.
2. Tatty Devine 'Create Your Own' necklace.  Matt Gold/Sundae colourway. 'Kitty'

Today's jewels.

Only one man on earth calls me Kitty these days. His name is Gareth Cousins, but he goes by many pseudonyms. I love him to bits, so this necklace reminds me of him. I got it made when my last name necklace - my white KittyCat - snapped. I have since replaced it, but now I have two beauties to wear. I have 5 name necklaces in total (not all with names on, and not all bought/designed by me) and a few more ideas in the pipeline. I need to have a play with the new charms! Create your own here. Also check out the penultimate design. It's one of mine.
3. Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves original movie poster tee by H&M
This has been lurking in my cupboard since Christmas but I have only ever worn it once before. It's a bit big on me now so I've remedied this by tucking it into a high-waisted skirt. It's adorably cute and vintage, and a little bit girly. And every girl deserves to have a bit of princessness in their life. And that may not be a word. But it ought to be. The design has a bit of a sepia look to it which makes gives it a retro feel, despite having been bought new from the store for £9.99. A bargain in my eyes.
4. Tatty Devine Red Glitter Heart ring (Valentines Collection 2012)
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Well technically speaking that's not true. I wear it on my finger. Red glitter perspex is something you cannot go wrong with. It's so beautiful that it makes me smile as I type. The light catches the glitter in the perspex as my fingers rattle across the keys. It only fits on my index finger despite being adjustable - curse my skinny fingers! - but I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. Plastic Dove Ring by Accessorize
A random trip to Bristol's branch of  Accessorize with Miss Spence when she returned briefly from Moscow is responsible for my owning this little beauty. Anyone who knows me will know I have a love of plastic jewellery and will have heard of my adoration of the brand Tatty Devine. My little bird wouldn't be out of place in their Covent Garden or Brick Lane store. He (I'm not sure why he's a he, but he undoubtedly is) perches on my left ring finger most days. I've been told many times that it's unlucky to wear a ring on this finger because it means I'll never get married. I can live with that. I'm superstitious about many things, but that's not going to stop me wearing my ring.
6. Coral high-waisted skirt by Miso (bought in Republic)

<3

People who've read my blog before will recognise this skirt from my post last Friday. I normally hate coral with a passion, but that's because it looks terrible next to my face. Much more acceptable in a skirt. There is also a black version of this skirt. I clearly need to own it in every colour. So cute and  comfy - despite the dodgy zip that took me a good few minutes to sort out this morning .
7. Red or Dead silver glitter Mary Janes
My new favourite shoes. Surprisingly comfy considering I've just walked into town in them. They've certainly caused a few peoples' eyes to pop out! But they're beautiful, and shoes like this should not be relegated to the top shelf for special occasions. They should be worn during the day to add some sparkle to your strut.

Daisychains

For years I hated tattoos. Genuinely I did. I couldn't understand why someone would want to scar their skin for life. I didn't like the idea of getting one. I didn't like them on other people, and I certainly didn't find them attractive on the opposite sex.
Over the last year or so that has changed. And I'm not even sure when it happened. Or why. Last summer I thought I knew what I wanted. And where. A few months later I changed my mind. I'm an incredibly indecisive person so thought that if I wanted a tattoo it would be a bad idea to get one as I'd change my mind too quickly and regret it.
In January I fell in love with a swallow design. Three swallows silhouetted. Teeny tiny ones on my wrist. And that was it for me. I had it all planned out. I was going to get them for my 24th birthday. Around that time I became more accepting of them on others for various reasons. And now I've discovered that I actively like them. Strange, but true.
As for me? I now have my own. But it's not the birds. I will have them when I planned to. But I saw a design on a tattooist's website and couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted it on my skin.
I freaked out a few times after booking it 2 weeks ago about the permanency of it all. I nearly chickened out yesterday morning whilst standing outside waiting for them to open up. But it was fine. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected. I was more fascinated than anything. By the whole process - from the drawing of the stencil to being instructed to use nappy rash cream on it - strange but it's helping it heal.

And here it is. Most recent photo of it. The daisies are less red, the lines are a little raised, but as far as I'm concerned it's perfect. It survived Soho, Camden and Cricklewood and still looks beautiful. It's healing well, and earlier I found myself musing on the fact that I'll still have it when I'm 80. And you know what? I'm happy with that.

I'm as free as my hair....

Firstly, thankyou Lady Gaga for giving me a title.

Anybody who has known me for a while will know that I've tried a lot of different hair colours. And styles.

 18. Ginger. Quite enjoyed it. As soon as I left school I started experimenting. I had my hair cut into a bob and dyed ginger and turned up on results day confusing quite a lot of people. Stuck with it for a while. But I get restless. And bored. And when I hit emotional turmoil I make changes happen.

 19. Uni. Blonde. And extensions. I had fun with that. The only reason I ditched the blonde is that every time I dyed it, my hair got lighter and lighter, and in worse condition. It took a blistered scalp while someone was in the shower to make me ditch the bleach in favor of something a little more practical.

 Brunette. Fringe. End of first year at uni. I got some new extensions too. But fringes are high-maintenance and my hair grows fast!

 So the fringe grew out by the end of second year. Still working with the brunette. If it ain't broke don't fix it right?

 My excuses for going back to the fringe are as follows - Fahrenheit 451 required it for costume...., and I couldn't see past my fluffy grown-out fringe!

 Oh! What a Lovely War required me to be able to put my hair up in Edwardian styles. So no haircut for the forseeable future. After that show was done I attempted to get my hair cut and coloured in Luci Foreman. NEVER GO THERE. They ruined my hair in a big way. And if you do brave it, don't go to Nick. Badger-stripe highlights that bled and a fringe that couldn't be salvaged are what I went away with. As soon as Holey Matrimony was over I went back to dark brown. It was safer!

 My birthday present to myself for my 23rd was a change of hue. Red. I figured that I was happiest when I had red hair, so why not? More red less ginger this time though. A fringe was cut in originally but didn't stick around

 Retro styling. Still red. Dying it myself with a £3.99 dye from Superdrug. Cheaper and a nicer colour if I'm honest!

Emotional turmoil makes changes happen. Cue me cutting my hair off to the shortest it's been since school. And it's amazing how much better a change of image makes you feel! Chanelling a red version of Jessie J's iconic bob.

It didn't look too bad as it grew out either - the mark of a good haircut. But sadly my hair grows fast. Especially my fringe. This face shows my disapproval of this fact.

So this is what I was dealing with before today. A bit fluffy and in desperate need of a cut. Only 6 weeks after my last one. High maintenance! But still not looking terrible.










Updated hair as of today. Went back to Kieran and had it all tidied up. Just in time for London.
Hair is the one accessory you can't take off. And can completely change your look. I like mine at the moment and think the bob is here to stay.

Payday? Please excuse me while I spend a large portion of my wages on clothes...

It's shocking how much I ended up spending today. I am actually apalled. Yet I was in dire need of some clothes that actually fitted properly and some retail therapy.

Republic
I used to have major issues with actually going into Republic. Really, I did. I used to think nothing in there would fit me. Today I dealt with that.

I found this lovely pinafore dress thing whilst searching the rails. but they did not have my size. Luckily the belt made that not such an issue. I tried a size smaller than I expected, but apparently although the rest of me may be a size 12, my boobs most definitely are not.

I like these dip hem skirts. But I wasn't completely sold on it. The questions of 'what would I wear it with' kept coming to mind. With no answers that satisfied me. This one stayed in the shop.

This shirt I'm a fan of. Please excuse the fact that I'm just wearing tights with it, I had no jeans! It may be sheer but it's not too bad, plus a vest would solve that problem nicely. I love polka dots and this has teeny tiny white ones on it. Plus dip hem at the back. Added to my haul.

I actually love this skirt. With a passion. It's practically flourescent. Yet I fell in love with it despite it's dodgy zip. I love full circle skirts yet have to be careful that there's not too much excess material going on. Teaming this with my Moustace Tee (keep scrolling for that)

 New Look
New Look and I are normally a pretty good match. I spend many monies there. Today was a bit hit and miss. But then again, it wasn't my normal store...

I remember seeing a bralet with this print on and being gutted that I didn't have the figure for it. I love the print still, but I'm not overly excited about it in shirt form. Had to try it though, just to see.

I like this. Zip up the front to the waist, shirred back, flower print. But the elastic made me not feel as confident as I could do. So it stayed in the shop. Still thinking about it though as Taunton has it too...

 Topshop
I love Topshop. I really do. But sometimes they get it really wrong. And other times it couldn't be better.

This dress just made me laugh. Really? Hearts on the boobs? Okay then Topshop.....

Moustache tee- cute, quirky, easy to throw on. Amuses me to look at. I like. I buy. Swan skirt? Just no. Elasticated waist done all wrong for my shape. Love the print, but it does absolutely nothing for me.

I love a good peplum. Nice and simple. clean lines. Very flattering. Thanks Topshop. Team with skinnies or a pencil skirt I think. And a long necklace.

Just no. Disaster. This was a size 12. I dread to think how big the 8 was as this was massive! Bad colour, bad pleats, not even the cute collar could redeem it. Only for skinny minis I think.

This dress I liked. One of Topshop's brands I do believe. Just felt insecure about my middle due to it being highwaisted and unlined. Cute colour though.

Apparently this dress is a size 14. I am apparently a size 14. But as we have already discussed, shops do not seem to think I'm allowed to have boobs......There was not enough room in the underwired sections. The dress was okay. But only for those who're smaller up top. 

 That was supposed to be the end of my shopping excursion. And then these beauties caught my eye.....

 The prettiest, sparkliest shoes I ever did see. Every step you have a little twinkle. Proper Cinderella shoes for the 21st century.
Made by Red or Dead - who I know can come up a little small. Tried on a size 7. Just to be safe.
(My feet are 2 different size. A 5.5 and a 6.5. It's very frustrating)

And look how pretty they are! I couldn't have left them in the shop. It would have been cruel.
So now I have 21st century princess shoes. And am a happy girl. Beautiful shoes can work wonders on a mood.

Apptastic

I've downloaded the blogger app now. For sheer convenience. Much as I love my beautiful laptop it's not exactly practical to cart it everywhere. Plus it means I can do proper outfit posts. I will endeavour to start this tomorrow. I have a busy day ahead of me. It looks a little something like this -
5.45 am Get up
6.30 am Leave house
7.00 am Flying visit to my Starbucks
7.39 am Train to Exeter
8.29 am Arrive at Exeter Central
11.39 am Train back to Taunton
1.00 pm Essential hair maintenance
Am sorely tempted to attempt a Bristiol excursion if Exeter does not provide be with what I'm after. After the hairdressers my afternoon is free. I plan to indulge in retail therapy as very few of my clothes fit any more.
Also at some point during this day I need to book tickets for the weekend's London excursion. Beyond excited about seeing people. At least we're doing better than in previous years - it used to be once a year or two!

What a difference a year makes.

Left - February 2011 Right - April 2012

I thought this might help me today. A look back on how far I've already come. And when days like today happen I need to remember that I'm not the girl on the left any more. I left her behind. Physically. But not mentally. I look in the mirror and I don't see any difference. But there are some quite obvious ones. That's why I've put these two photos side by side. To try and get that into my head.
I'm thinner. That cannot be denied. The photos say it. My clothes say it. But I can't see it. Probably because I see myself every day. I've seen cheekbones, collarbones and hipbones appear, but I don't feel any different. I don't feel like anything has changed. I can't accept what I see. I've worn that dress on the left recently. It's shrunk in the wash luckily as it's jersey. I wore it the other way round - I don't do low-cut very often any more. It's reversible so it's not all that strange a thing to do. It fits better, that's undeniable.
I have a more defined sense of style now. I'm more daring, I take more risks. I never wore red before. Times have changed. And so have I. I just need to stick on my glasses and see it.

Poverty Begets Starvation

I have £1.50 to last me til Friday. I have had this princely sum at my disposal since Sunday. Luckily I get free drinks from Starbucks before and after work - somewhere I have been every day for the last week. But not really consumed much more than that. Today for example I have had 3 drinks and an apple. Literally. That is all.
To add to that I have walked to and from town - the way back was done in skyscraper heels, just to see if I could - and worked a 5.5 hour shift, running around like a headless chicken. I thought about going to the gym but I'm pretty sure that I'd collapse. A non fat sugar free caramel macchiato can only sustain you for so long. I'm gonna need to eat properly soon.
The problem is that I like this. I like not eating. And I know that's wrong. And I know it shouldn't make me happy. I really do. I know it's unhealthy. But the less I eat the happier I am. I suffer badly from body dysmorphic disorder. Google it if you want. Or just click here. I obsessively check my weight. I step on the scales 3 times each time. Just to make sure. I weigh myself before I go to bed too. Again, 3 times. It got better for a while. But it never stays away long.
This weekend I will be celebrating a friend's birthday. I will have to eat and drink like a normal person. And I can guarantee that I will feel guilty and start starving myself again when I get home. I am at my happiest when I've only drunk water all day. Or green tea. Maybe eaten an apple at most. Without people to make me eat I stop.

Tiptoes

Shoes seem to have this overwhelming ability to change your day. All morning I have been running around in flats that have within the last 2 hours given up. They are old, they are tatty, and they have literally fallen to bits.
Squirreled away in my bag for when I finished work were a pair of the most beautiful shoes I have ever owned.
Polka dot? Check
Ridiculously high? Check
Retro? Check
Surprisingly easy to walk in? Oh yes.

On Ice

I had every intention of doing posts every couple of days. But life has got in the way.
Posting shall resume on Thursday when my week of  surprise holiday has begun. I shall lurk in Starbucks, try to coerce free coffee from my fellow baristas and I shall write.
I also fully intend to work on the terrible story I've been writing since I was 17. Now that I have a working laptop again I can just ramble across the keys.

Narcissism? Hardly...

I will never understand why someone who hates photos of herself as much as I do will quite happily put makeup on and take photos of her face to try and create a decent profile picture for Facebook. I will without fail take a fair few. Many will be deleted. Some will be instagrammed. Sometimes it'll be utilizing my webcam, sometimes my phone, or even once my actual camera. I cannot quite fathom it. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that in those pictures to a certain degree I can control what I look like. I can pull faces, but NOBODY ELSE HAS TO SEE. That is I think the issue. I can make a fool of myself, but as long as the end result is passable then the means is clearly acceptable. And not weird. Or vain. I'm not photogenic so have to get my photos through sneaky posing.

And here are some of them. Some are good. Some are really not. All I can say is that I really like red lisptick. 

 

 I went for this one. The least objectionable of the bunch

 This one really is me pulling a face. It's not a good one!

The Price of Beauty

I have an expensive face.
Really. I do.
The contents of my makeup bag is worth a small fortune. This is down to the fact that I am a bit of a benefit addict. And have been for 6 years. I describe my look as 'pale and interesting'. I look weird with tan. The downside of this is that it's hard to find makeup that caters for people with pale skin. Yes, lately Nicola Roberts has released her Dainty Doll range, but when I was 17 and trying to find a foundation that didn't leave me with a massive tide mark around my chin there wasn't much I could do. Benefit were like a streetlamp on a foggy day. I had a consultation and they helped me to find the right shades for my face. And they were so nice about it! I was clueless then, I know a bit more now, but I still pop in and let them show me the new products.
I don't use it all on a daily basis. If I did then I'd be permanently skint! But I've got my daily routine down to about 5 minutes.
It's Potent for my circles (sadly hereditary and no amount of sleep will shift them)
Hello Flawless liquid foundation
Magic ink liquid liner for 50s flicks
Maybelline (the only deviation from Benefit in my whole makeup bag) Colossal express mascara
Hello Flawless powder to finish it off,
And if I feel like it I'll dust some Hervana on my cheekbones.
Job done!

The Affair of the Blue Blazer

The lengths that I will go to for my wardrobe have seemingly extended
To set the scene - I've been lusting after a certain electric blue blazer in New Look for literally months. It sold out in my size almost immediately and they've had a size 8 (which I am clearly not) lurking around since then taunting me. Now I make a point of getting on well with the girls in my favourite shops. It's a very useful thing to do, especially if you pop in regularly. Lucy in New Look is an absolute gem. If she thinks something will suit me or something comes in that she thinks I'll like she lets me know. And she owns this blazer that I love. Phoning around all the local stores and checking online didn't work, so I thought it was a lost cause. I then pop in on my day off to be told that there's one in Weston and she's reserved it for me to pick up. 2 hours later, I'm stranded in Weston with my brand new blazer (in a size smaller than I expected, hurrah), phone battery dead and no train home. Luckily a rail replacement bus was my knight in shining armour, but I didn't get home til 8. But I had the blazer. My verdict? Totally worth it.

Let's begin at the beginning

Welocme. Croeso. Bienvenue. Wilkommen.
They say the first post is always the most difficult. Well, they would, if they were discussing blogging. Anyhow this is mine.
The facts are these. I love clothes. I really do. But, like a lot of us ladies, I'm not quite content with my body. I've lost quite a lot of weight in the last year, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. Currently rocking size 14 jeans. Hoping to go down a size or two. And that's where the slimming comes into it. It's so hard to know how to dress for your body shape, especially when it changes. So there will be things that don't quite work. Things that will need adjusting. But it's all about trying things out and working out for yourself what looks good and what doesn't. And at the end of the day, it's not about how you LOOK. It's about how you FEEL. I dress for myself. I have my own style. And it's always changing. And I wouldn't want it any other way.