I have an ongoing battle with my self esteem. And it mostly stems from never being as thin or pretty or successful as my sister. The pretty is entirely subjective. Personally I will never see it. Someone calls me beautiful and I'll laugh it off as bias. It's sad but true. As is the successful I guess. She feels like a failure but I envy her life.
My main issue is my body. I'm a curvy size 14. I haven't always been. Once I was pushing the scales at a number I'm not proud of. I've had fluctuations; gains, so-called 'heartbreak starvation', my graph is all over the place. But I am where I am now. And today, I'm not doing so badly.
I've been upset at numbers lately, but I'm not actually getting any continuity on my scales at home. They tell me I'm heavier than I am *phew*. The numbers change drastically every few days and that's not right. So, I measured myself at the gym. I'm a whole half stone lighter than I thought. And this is a comfort. My clothes aren't tight (except some across the boobs, but that's just something I have to deal with). So screw the scales. I'm going by how I feel. Because you can obsess over numbers and it can make you fucking miserable. I speak from experience!
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